Half a Year. In Conclusion.

I love Mike so much.

Sir Williams. Sir Williams is a memory I would never forget. I have loved him dearly, if not too much. I say it now, because I hated him too. I have learned to hate him a lot. If you would note, loved and hated are both in their past tenses. I am over loving him. I have decided to stop loving him months ago, and now.. I will start the process of stopping to hate him. (Yes, on both loving and hating, the end are both conscious decisions.)

I want to face it now. Reality.

Sir Williams. What we had was something grand. What we had has been taken for granted. What we had has been long dead. Long before the big break up. What we had lost has been, for an extensive stretch of time, denied. What we had grand has been ruined, and we just couldn't accept it.

Drastic measures. It has been made to cover the truth up. We may have loved until the very end, but we never would have worked from the very beginning.

Broken. Damaged. Lost. Dead.

Our own persons would have been as broken, damaged, lost and dead if the denial went any longer. We would have walked the world as zombies.

A grand intervention was my savior. I truly hope it was, somehow, his too.


I let Mike intervene, and shake my entire world up. I let him steal me away. I let him take over. I let him carry me to my turnaround.

And I did turn around. Turn away. I stopped denying it. What was broken, was indeed broken. The damaged, irrepairable. Which was lost that couldn't be found. The death without resurrection.

I held on to Mike. From that moment until now, he has been my pillar. My strength.

And from this strength, I found my way of saving myself. And, albeit malapropos, I have found a way to save Sir Williams.

At the prime of this strength, I did it the best way I knew how.

How history and experience taught me: 

I left him in the dark. 

I left him where he couldn't find my pain. 

I left him where he couldn't find his way back. 

I left him where the only thing he would see is that light at the end............. 

.............Hope.

Hope. How I hoped he knew how much this lesson was worth. How I hoped he would have used it years back, with his own damaged past. And never have put us in as much sorrow. 

How much I hoped then, is as much as I've learned now.

Now. I have decided. To move on from my own darkness. To keep the good, and rid myself of the bad. Moments. Emotions. Memories. Experiences.

One grand thing I'll hold on to is his promise to love the next woman better than he did me.

At the top of all the torment my heart and my soul has suffered, I pray there's a woman out there who will be loved better than I ever have been, for what I have been through.

On my own accord, somebody will be loved more than I ever have. Better than I ever did.

And as I have started this string of words, I end the same:

I love Mike so much.