It's Complicated

I am in a relationship.
I am single.

I met him five years ago in a chat room.
We've had our fair share of ups and downs, break ups and make ups.

He cheated on me with an ex-girlfriend last year.
We broke up, naturally.
And made up afterwards.
But our relationship hasn't been what you'd call "normal".

An open relationship. We love each other, we're together, and we're dating other people as well.

When we broke up, nothing changed between us. We continued to treat each other as girlfriend and boyfriend. The love never left. The romance continued flowing. The only thing that's changed is the fact is out: he is curious about other women. He wants to experience them.

Note: I was the only girl he's ever kissed and made love to. Until the bamboozling ex-girlfriend occurred. I consider this reason enough for him to get curious.

My logic: If we both still love each other despite what happened and what is happening, why not just live with it? Why not have the best of both worlds?

The best of both worlds.

There are not so many things that we have a common interest in. Count sex as one of the few that got in.
I could consider sex as an activity comparable to swimming, eating, watching movies, etc. You could enjoy it with someone you love, but you could also enjoy it with other people as well. The meaningfulness of it is the only thing that differs.

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best."

Sex is one thing. Love, now that is something special. There are different loves, I know. You could love a friend, a parent, a pet... But that love for that someone special... That is different. That's what I keep exclusive.

I love him, and he loves me. No one else. We date, we flirt and we have sex with others. We have fun that way.

Of course, there are risks. The mind, body and heart are all on the line. I am fully aware of that. I just keep on reminding ourselves to tread carefully. Extreme sports needs special gear, after all. Precaution and protection is not taken lightly.

I know about the possibility of us falling in love with someone else. Thinking about it though, that will happen whether your relationship is open or closed. It's just more honest this way.

Sleeping around has it's own set of thorns as well. We just have to be wise and be safe. I am acknowledging the fact that when one sleeps with someone else, our health is at risk. We are in this together, we are liable for the consequences together.

Society dictates this as abnormal. Reality is hazy in this world, and sometimes, I become skeptic as well.

On a turnaround, I'd see the possibility of just doing this out of fear. The fear of loosing him, the possible fact of me being a martyr just to have him for myself.

There are and always will be that part of me that wants to be his and his alone. I will always wish I didn't have to share him. I always hope that day will come when he'd get tired of going around and realize I am all he needs after all. Or maybe someone would whisk me away and bring me to a better fairy tale where I live happily ever after...