Lady writes again:

(because she was wrong and it's not over... Sir Williams got me confused again...)

(and yes, J. Dorian, you made it into my blog)

who is far away and near,
when nearby is too far?

when ants are flying to the sky
and the rain keeps falling high.

charged staircase' running down
as limbs climb the monotony.

how can left be right,
and right be left behind?

when yin is young
and yang goes swa-yin'

past fills the future
as the future just has pass'd.

This is how I understood Sir Williams' words last night...

S.O.S.

I have realized...

That everything I have been doing in the past three years was my way of dealing with what Sir Williams did to me...

I have denied it, fought it, covered it, run away from it, faked it; but I have never accepted it.

I never faced the fact that I was really hurt, that I felt cheated and deceived; I thought I was too cool to get hurt.

This whole ZiKret turned out to be one huge mask for me. An attempt to convince the world that I was okay, and awesome, and strong, when I never was.


I have realized...

That after all the boyfriends and bullshits, I still love Sir Williams; and after all these years and tears, I still hate him and I'm still hurt by him.


I need to move on. Really move on.

Without masks and walls. With all the pain and truths.


I am calling out to the people who genuinely cares: my family and friends. I cannot do this alone, I need your help.

Three years has been too long. I'm ready to face this now.